A Question of Independence Part 1
You are living with a host family, and the constraints are beginning to bother you a great deal.
– the meals are all the same, and not really to your liking
– you share a bedroom with a curious boy who is a real nuisance
– the doors of the house are locked at 11pm
The family members are very charming and attentive towards you. They are constantly organising your free time, taking you along on neighborhood excursions, watching a television show with you, or taking you to a soccer game to ensure that you feel a part of their community. As a result, you do not have a moment to yourself, and the plain truth is that you feel you are responsible enough to choose when and how to occupy your time. You are often exhausted at the end of your working days. How do you negotiate between your need for autonomy and the respect for your hosts’ hospitality?
1. Ethics of care
The ethics of care dictates that you should consider all possible positive and negative impacts of your decision when working especially with those who can become vulnerable to our decisions. In affording extra consideration you would have to weigh the benefits of having newfound independence against the possible negative implications of creating what may be perceived as struggle for power in the household, or lack of sensitivity or respect. Some questions may arise during the discourse of ethics of care:
- Do you understand the social structure of the family and the community? Do you know with whom in the family should you discuss your specific concerns?
- Is there potential for creating power imbalances if you come across as overly assertive? How can you communicate your concerns to your host family in a way that would not come as condescending?
- How do you ensure that the host family is involved in the decision-making process of how to best allocate your time?
[S/he should also consider that the host family is putting in a lot of effort for his/her entertainment and hospitality and in order to maintain balance and reciprocity, s/he should consider giving something back to the host family in order to make this a positive experience for them. Hence, s/he should explain how the culture in the host community is different and how s/he is not used to it. Also, just as the host family is making some compromises to host the volunteer, s/he should also consider making some compromises that might make the situation easier for the host family. Everything cannot be the same as it is back home.]
2. Ethical pluralism
Consider norms of family, children and child-raising, autonomy and independence, free time, and leisure activities. What cultural norms and expectations are you bringing from the West to this culture? What norms or expectations might this family have and why might they exist? Will simply understanding one another resolve any of these problems or is more needed? Ethical pluralism asserts that at times, there ought to be more than one paradigm/cognitive frameworks, that while incompatible and irreconcilable, are both correct and fundamental. In this case, you may wish to consider the following:
- What are the differences in family norms, child-rearing practices, autonomy, free time/leisure activity and community engagement between you and the host family?
- Do you appreciate the differences in values between you and the host family, or are you superimposing your values upon your host family while you determine the need for the criteria listed above? How can you build in a space of ethical engagement where you recognize both your and others’ moral values during your discussion with the host family, if you decide to bring it up with them?
3. Cultural competence [Non-maleficence/beneficence]
The notion of cultural competence demands that we understand and respect the cultural norms of another, including their social structure/respect hierarchy, methods of communication, decision-making processes during our deliberation of an action or engagement. Cultural competence supports engagement in a way that would prevent any potential misunderstanding should the volunteer raise the issue of autonomy with the host family, or the issue of the curious boy that the volunteer considers a nuisance, due to the difference in cultural understanding.
- How do you begin to approach the family in a way that would be constructive and respectful?
- How can you approach the boy that you consider a “nuisance” and communicate your thoughts to him? Is your idea that he is a “nuisance” coming from a Western culture that places emphasis on independence and privacy (some cultures may prioritize sharing of information and a sense of connectedness)?
[The volunteer in this case would be risking harming his/her relationship with the family if actions are taken to establish his/her need for freedom. The family’s hospitality directed towards the volunteer is likely based on the culture and tradition of welcoming others, especially if they are to play host and offer their home as a place of refuge for the volunteer. If the volunteer speaks out against this or appears withdrawn, he/she may hurt the feelings of the curious boy or change the way that the family feels about foreigners from that country, who appears ungrateful or non-appreciative of their culture.]
4. Appreciative Inquiry
What are you thinking and feeling in this situation? Why are you thinking / feeling that way? Who is involved in this situation, besides yourself? What do you imagine this situation might look like from the perspective of each of the key stakeholders? (ex. your host family mom and the boy you share the room with). Who have you discussed this with, who haven’t you discussed this with and why? Where do you fit into this issue? Appreciative inquiry starts with the idea of ‘discovery’ – of inquiring more deeply into the situation, with a spirit of open curiosity but no judgment. This lays important groundwork for future decisions. The listed questions help the participant with the process of discovery – in the community but also within yourself.
A Question of Independence Part 2
Halfway through your stay, your host mother is making it known in subtle ways that she is concerned because you haven’t been laughing as much, and have been spending a lot of time in your room. In order to smooth things over, you give your host family the gifts your program encouraged you to bring (ie. pins, t-shirts, toys for the children and toiletries) and nothing changes. It is clear to you that the family was not looking for gifts but a shared experience and you are afraid you have disrespected them inadvertently. What should you do?
1. Ethics of care
The ethics of care dictates that you should consider all possible positive and negative impacts of your decision when working especially with those who can become vulnerable to our decisions. Before giving the gifts and pins, the volunteer should have considered if the idea of gift-giving in this context would create a negative impact on the relationship. In this context, some questions you might want to ask are:
- Would the family feel patronised? Would they feel obligated to buy the volunteer a gift too?
- Is the presentation of monetary benefits or physical gifts by the volunteer creating a dependency relationship where the volunteer believes matters can be solved by gift-giving?
- How can the volunteer communicate his/her intention to the family while giving gifts without coming across as evasive of the actual concern of the host family (that you seem like you are not enjoying yourself)?
[In this case, since the volunteer has already given the gifts, s/he should now consider what decision s/he can make to turn this into a positive experience for the host family. Maybe s/he could share a story or take the host family out to a community event and explain that in his/her culture this is the way one returns hospitality.]
2. Ethical pluralism
Ethical pluralism asserts that at times, there ought to be more than one paradigm/cognitive frameworks, that while incompatible and irreconcilable, are both correct and fundamental. In this case, you may wish to consider:
- Should you be expected to conform to the family’s practices, or should they be expected to understand yours? How would you find out?
- Now that you have considered norms of family, children and child-raising, autonomy and independence, free time, and leisure activities, what are your norms regarding gift-giving and showing respect? How might they differ from others’?
3. Cultural competence
The notion of cultural competence demands that we understand and respect the cultural norms of another, including their social structure/respect hierarchy, methods of communication, decision-making processes during our deliberation of an action or engagement. Some questions to consider include:
- Does the fact that the volunteer is giving gifts in an effort to show his/her appreciation for the hospitality of the family appear to have a different motivation due to the context/situation under which the gift is given?
- Would the volunteer offend other members of the community who have also played a part in welcoming the volunteer but did not receive gifts? Is there potential to cause divide in the community by this selective giving?
- Are the gifts sustainable and in the best interests of the cultural norm of the community? Is there potential for the gift to be perceived as culturally offensive?
4. Appreciative Inquiry
In your imagination, fast forward yourself to the future (the end of your time with your host family). What are three wishes that you have in regard to your relationship with your host family? Imagine these wishes being accomplished… what were the keys to your success? What is ‘the best’ of what is currently happening in your host family? How can you build on this to accomplish your ideal future? In envisioning this future, what is most valuable to you? Try to put yourself in this situation answering some of these questions….
These questions move you into the second stage of appreciative inquiry – ‘dream’. This stage asks you to imagine an ideal future with the underlying philosophy that there is a connection between what is focussed on and what type of future is created. The assumption is that by highlighting what is strong and vibrant about a community, it will continue to move in that direction. ‘Human systems grow in the direction of what they persistently ask questions about’ (Cooperrider and Whitney).
This approach involves first envisioning an ideal future – instead of focusing on needs, or problems – and then identifying the best of what is currently happening that can be built on to achieve that future. In a real life scenario, the next steps of the AI process would be to ‘design’ – start to pin down your ideal future into a very tangible vision and list immediate actions to take and then ‘deliver’ – actually doing those actions.
Academic Resources (7)
Lowe, G., L. R. Askling, et al. (1984). “The impact of intercultural contact on host families.” International Journal of Intercultural Relations 8(1): 45-60.
Anderson, P. H., L. Lawton, et al. (2006). “Short-term study abroad and intercultural sensitivity: A pilot study.” International Journal of Intercultural Relations 30(4): 457-469.
Black, J. S., M. Mendenhall, et al. (1991). “Toward a Comprehensive Model of International Adjustment: An Integration of Multiple Theoretical Perspectives.” The Academy of Management Review 16(2): 291-317.
Caligiuri, P., J. Phillips, et al. (2001). “The theory of met expectations applied to expatriate adjustment: the role of crosscultural training.” International Journal of Human Resource Management? 12(3): 357-372.
Caligiuri, P. M. (2000). “Selecting Expatriates for Personality Characteristics: A Moderating Effect of Personality on the Relationship between Host National Contact and Cross-cultural Adjustment.” Management International Review 40(1): 61-80.
Ermine, W. (2007). “The Ethical Space of Engagement.” Indigenous Law Journal 6: 193-203.
Grusky, S. (2000). “International Service Learning: A Critical Guide from an Impassioned Advocate.” American Behavoiral Scientist 43: 858-867.
Non- Academic Resources (2)
Adichie, C. (2009). The Danger of a Single Story, TED Talks.
Rotary Youth Exchange: A Guide for Host Families from http://docs.google.com/viewer…
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